What mindfulness is really like, and how to stick with it

Black and white image of a woman with long dark hair, wearing black trousers and a black and white check top. She is standing with her back to the camera, next to a tree overlooking a lake.

Mindfulness meditation is being prescribed for many things – are you stressed out? Depressed? Feeling anxious? Getting migraines?  “Go on an 8 week mindfulness course and it will all go away.”

Unfortunately many people are finding out that this ‘quick fix’ approach isn’t working for them.

Which doesn’t seem fair. Because there is plenty of evidence to prove that mindfulness meditation does all these things as well as boosting your immune system and mental health.

So why doesn’t Mindfulness work?

According to this article in Psychology Today by Dr Stephen Hayes, one of the reasons is that, in the western world, meditation is promoted as a health practice, nothing more.

So people are coming to mindfulness with the intention of getting rid of whatever ails them.

However it’s part of a larger tradition which combines wisdom, spirituality, compassion, acceptance, values based action and moral development.

You can’t take one part and not the others and expect it to work.

One mistake is believing that avoiding negative thoughts or feelings of anxiety and depression will help, but in reality, it usually makes things worse.

Rather than teaching people how to get rid of difficult feelings and emotions, mindfulness meditation teaches us how to be open to all emotions and feelings without getting caught up in them. Allowing them to come and go whilst we are steady and grounded and fully engaged with our life.

This means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, allowing ourselves to feel what we feel. Not an easy thing to do.

Clinging to an outcome and using mindfulness in the same way you would a painkiller or antidepressant – take one a day for 8 weeks to relieve symptoms – isn’t going to work. It takes time, patience and an open mind.

So how does it really work?

How can giving all your attention to the breath and being present in the moment really help with illness? Unless you've experienced mindfulness for yourself, it's a difficult question to answer.

Before my last ear operation I had chronic ear ache and tinnitus. The pain made me want to stay under the duvet with a heat pad on the side of my head. Painkillers stopped working. Constant tinnitus stopped me from sleeping so I was constantly exhausted.

I was already practicing mindfulness, but sitting in silence made my tinnitus worse. So I started to meditate with classical music in the background. Either doing mindful movement (usually laying down as I had vertigo) or mindful breathing.

Mindful breathing isn't just taking a few breaths or counting them, it’s being fully aware of the breath entering the body and the lungs, the movement of the lungs and abdomen as the lungs fill with air and then empty again.

It’s also about noticing the tension in the body and allowing it to relax whilst breathing. As the tightness in my body began to disperse, the tinnitus became less annoying.

When you have tinnitus its very intrusive, it can become the only thing you think about. Mindfulness can help by expanding your awareness, not by getting rid of the ringing but noticing other sounds and being able to change your focus, so it isn’t so intrusive.

Mindfulness didn’t reduce the pain I was in, but it helped me to stop focusing on it. I was able to notice and appreciate other sensations, the areas where I wasn’t in pain, the areas that were fine.

Rather than my symptoms being the only area of focus it trained my mind to be aware of my whole body, the areas that are working and not a source of stress. This improved my thinking and emotions. So whilst my symptoms didn’t dissapear, I was able to function and be present for myself and my family.

So why is it so hard to keep practicing?

Some people struggle to stick with their mindfulness practice once the course has finished. Research published here states that the benefits of mindfulness meditation can deplete over time if people stop practicing, especially those new to mindfulness.

For the most benefit, daily practice is important. The research showed that the hours following meditation sessions participants experienced more positive emotions and mindfulness awareness.

These benefits don’t accumulate over time – you can’t binge on meditation for a weekend and expect to see the improvement for a month. So sticking with the practices are essential for mindful living.

There is some debate around the length of time people should meditate, and different studies have given different results, suggesting that other factors can influence the outcome.

Many new meditators find it easier to stick to the shorter practices on a regular basis, and something is better than nothing at all.

This article from greater good provides some useful tips for new meditators to keep up their practice.

These include remembering why you wanted to start meditating, what was your intention?

Write it down and put it somewhere like the bathroom mirror or the fridge door. This reminder can help to make your practice more meaningful.

Noticing any positive emotions or sensations during your practice can help with motivation to keep going. However it’s important not to meditate with the intention of feeling positive.

If the feelings you've had from previous meditation practices don’t appear, that doesn’t mean that you’re failing, use the time to be kind to yourself whatever you’re feeling.

Meditating in a group, rather than alone with a phone app, can help to sustain a practice as you have the support of others. Sharing a journey like this can be a great learning experience as well as giving motivation to continue.

If you to stop practicing, don’t give yourself a hard time over it. Just like the wandering mind coming back to focus on the breath, you can come back and start again at any time.

Click this link to find out more about mindfulness courses.