Hearing loss and loneliness
Photo credit - Andrew Neel, Pexels. Picture of a blonde man in grey top sitting at a dining room table alone. He is leaning on the table with one elbow and has his hand over his face.
A few years ago I became ill and lost my hearing completely. It was like I had an invisible bubble around me, separating me from everyone else. I could see them and knew they were speaking, but the words couldn’t reach me.
It was a while before I could have an operation, and I had to heal before getting hearing aids. Until then, I didn’t know what was going on around me as I couldn’t hear anything. Despite my family’s efforts to include me, I felt lonely and cut off. I started to feel invisible.
This may seem like an extreme example, but many people with hearing loss feel lonely and cut off from friends and family all the time.
Communication barriers
It’s obvious that hearing loss will cause problems with conversations, yet many people have to be constantly reminded to speak up, speak clearly, and face the person they’re speaking to. It’s exhausting. It makes the person with hearing loss feel that they aren’t worth the effort , especially if they are told ‘never mind’ each time they ask what’s being said. They may get angry or just give up and stop asking. Either way, it will make them feel like being alone is easier.
Having to explain your hearing loss to everyone you meet so they will speak clearly is very tiring, and the responses can range from invasive inquiry ‘gosh, how did that happen?’ to annoying ‘what did you say? – ha ha, I made a joke!’ or dismissive ‘nevermind’. So it can be tempting to stop explaining, and try to get by with minimum interaction with others.
Places that you used to enjoy – such as restaurants, can be too noisy. You can’t enjoy the company of others when you can’t hear what’s going on.
The stigma and assumptions around hearing loss mean that others make assumptions about your abilities or intelligence. It can feel easier to avoid meeting new people or starting conversations.
Limited access
Many things in day to day life become challenging when you have hearing loss. Difficulty hearing and lack of deaf awareness means that its harder to access services or ask for assistance in shops.
If you cannot hear well on the telephone you might need to ask others to make appointments for you. This may seem like a small thing, but it takes away your privacy and makes you dependant on another person.
All these situations can slowly erode your confidence and make you want to withdraw to your own company.
This can seem like the easiest way, but loneliness can have a detrimental effect on your health.
Loneliness and health
As well as being at risk of depression and anxiety, it can make your body release stress hormones which in turn increase blood pressure and heart rate. You may have disrupted sleep patterns which can lead to brain fatigue, poor focus and lower immunity to illness.
You can become more susceptible to illness and will be at higher risk of developing dementia later in life.
It’s not just something that’s solved by going out and being with people. You can be in a busy street or at the dinner table with a group and still feel lonely and cut off.
It’s having connections, people you can talk to and share with. Being around people who get you.
How to prevent loneliness when you have hearing loss.
Find people who get it.
Its difficult to put yourself out there, especially if others have been unkind in the past. There are support groups where you can meet and chat to others with hearing loss, share stories and difficulties, get help and support others.
Look for meetings and groups in your area. If there is a local deaf club it’s likely there will be others there who are hard of hearing or have hearing loss. They may have a separate support group.
Check the noticeboards if you have a hearing check-up at hospital, or ask your audiologist if they know of any groups.
There are a few charities that organise meetings and social events such as Action Deafness and Hearing Link. Check and see if they are active in your area.
If you can’t find a local group, look for others that meet up virtually. There are lots of online support groups for hearing loss, particularly on Facebook. There are some on LinkedIn but they tend to be more businesslike.
Join a group and read through the posts for a while before engaging. What is the group like? Are they supportive? Is it well moderated?
Avoid groups that look spammy or have posts selling things. Don’t share anything personal unless you are comfortable doing so.
Go outside & get active
Spending time in natural environments has a calming effect and can lift your mood. This could be an urban park, woodland, open countryside, or by a river or beach.
Gardens can also have the same effect and working in your garden is physical exercise which can reduce stress and anxiety. If you don’t have a garden, look out for local gardening clubs or community gardens that you can get involved with.
If you want the mental health benefits of exercise, you don’t have to join a gym. You can go for a walk or practice simple Pilates or yoga at home. However, joining an exercise class can widen your social network.
People who run smaller fitness classes are more likely to be able to adapt their teaching to your needs. Contact them first for a discussion about what you need. If they haven’t worked with someone with hearing loss before you may need to tell them what works for you.
A good fitness instructor will be happy to teach in a way that works for you.
Persue your interests
Taking up a hobby or volunteering can help you to connect with others with similar interests, whilst doing something you enjoy. You can find volunteer opportunities by visiting your local volunteer center, or asking at your local hospital, church or school.
There are also some websites that publish volunteer opportunities across the country.
Taking a course and learning something new can give your self esteem and confidence a boost whilst giving your brain a workout.
You can meet others with similar interests, and maybe set the foundations for a job change or new career.
Learning sign language can help you to meet others who get what your going through, either because they have hearing loss themselves or have a friend or relative who is deaf.
Be your own advocate
When meeting new people, taking a course or starting a hobby, it’s important that you tell people what you need them to do to include you.
Many issues people with hearing loss face are down to lack of awareness. Others think that wearing a hearing aid corrects everything, or that everyone can lip read, or that lip reading is 100% accurate and not tiring at all.
By educating others and advocating for yourself it will be easier to maintain and create new social connections.
If you are struggling with your hearing loss and want to chat, click this link to arrange a free, no obligation call with me.